Letter

Why did this happen to me
Why did it take so long to see
I know my love for you does glow
I didn’t know that it didn’t show
Show the way you needed to see
Had I, I know your heart would have been free
Free to release and love just me
A love I dreamt about and wanted to see
Times like this there is a battle between heart and brain
An internal storm that stings like hard rain
Heart fighting to keep hope and hold on
Brain fighting to let go and be gone
The pain I have is not from a fight within me
For this time my heart and brain agree
Hope, love and dreams of you rule all of me
Love and dreams I desperately want you to know and see
I failed to do so many things
Most of all I failed to pretend I had a ring
A ring that would have helped me do more for you
A ring I would have considered the ultimate glue
Pain from failing you runs deep past my heart
I stopped doing what I did at the start
I drifted from special things and who I was
I didn’t listen to most if not all of your buzz
I hid behind ego and did stupid things
I left you for a night to test if you would sing
To see if the love I had was returned
It was the worst and came back to burn
So many mistakes I have made
Debts I owe and want to be paid
So many things I want to do
Things I dream would bring happiness to you
Soon I know I may have to move on
The love for you will never be gone
My first and truest love I thought I had found
Then everything around me crashed to the ground
Long from now if I should try a new
My thoughts, daily, will turn to you
And if I feel I want their responsibilities on me
I know my heart will never again be freed
Hate has a meaning I don’t like and think shouldn’t be
I now use it often because I truly hate me
I hate that I failed you so much
I hate that I allowed our love to be crushed
I hate that you think I whine and pout
I hate that I only see one way out
I hate that my love is equaled only by my pain
I hate that with all this love you don’t feel the same
I hate that I wasn’t there in your need
I hate that mistrust grew like a weed
I hate that I know we belong and are right
I hate that you aren’t sure if you want to take up the fight
I hate that I can’t talk to you every day
I hate I can’t email this and you might not see it anyway
I hate that I wasn’t strong enough to be the glue
Most of all I hate not being with you.

Donny Haapoja
Copyright ©2003 Donny Haapoja
07/18/2003